Postings - by Ennio

Abundance

I met a fascinating 70 something year old Korean man recently. In very broken English he helped me appreciate something I "knew" and believed but his almost childlike way of presenting it really reached me. He was talking about his garden- specifically the dark, black soil, and how from that darkness, with no color and unseen by us, God brings forth yellows, and purples, and reds, and whites, and greens, and oranges, and on and on. Then he exclaimed, "O God, you are SO marvelous!"

This exhortation (I know, an old word but that's how it hit me) caused me to think about Paul's statement in Romans 1:19-20"... what may be known of God is manifest... For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead" NKJV. Now I know the context of this passage is used for a different purpose but the principle remains: God's attributes are revealed in Nature.

And Abundance is certainly revealed. The reality is God is always creating. It is our God"...Who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." Rom. 4:17 NIV

Think about the systems that interconnect and support each other. Think of the providential composition of all we see in creation. Doesn't that thought make you wonder how much is available that we are not tapping into or appreciating or allowing in?

As I walk forth in this reality I wonder what I'd see as Providence that I currently don't. I wonder what things that appear dead are waiting to burst forth in new life?

The Extremes

I was thinking this morning how much breakdown is the result of being stuck in one of two extremes: chaos or rigidity. In relationships, in careers, in over all well being, being stuck in either of the two leads to less than desirable results. Additionally, when I am stuck in chaos I become obsessed with it- constantly thinking about it, trying to "stay" the chaos, etc. When I am stuck in rigidity, while it my feel like stability or comfortable or familiar, I am actually unaware, untuned, ignorant, and closed off.

I wonder what it takes to find an integrated way where we are open to influences and changes while not getting all out of whack? To be tuned in, open to feedback, flexible, present, and adaptive without giving into or creating chaos is key, I think, to satisfaction and growth in all areas

What Story are You Telling?

As is true for all of us, life keeps serving us up with events and occurrences that we get to weave into a narrative. What I mean is that things happen or we make choices and then we tell a story and assign meaning to what's happened; what it means about us, what it means about others, what it means about life, what it means period. I believe this"assigning of a narrative" is almost concurrent to the actual occurance and the narrative view we assign comes form our past and what we've come to believe. Now, it doesn't occur to us as a "narrative", it occurs to us as "the way it is". OK, so nothing much new there.

But it is only in knowing, assessing and even questioning your automatic narratives or story telling that anything new can open up. Otherwise, everything that happens will fit neatly into your narrative and ilfe will pretty much be a variation of the past with the only thing changing is the circumstances or players.

For as long as I remember I have had a very strong sense of justice. In my youth this often played out in my imaginary battles involving swords (using good pieces of wood) as I'd fight against evil. Finding myself often in situations where I or others around me were mistreated this sense of justice was often triggered. What often defined injustice was unfair treatment. My response ranged from anger, confusion, hurt, to withdrawal, self incrimination or retaliation. Something needed to happen to alleviate and mitigate the pain, or put right the wrong.

In my recent readings regarding the brain and how it functions I have been fascinated to discover that Fairness is one of five categories that, when violated, cause an region of the brain to light up. This region is in almost the same exact area where physical pain is registered! It seems that we humans are "hard-wired" in our brains for relational purposes and so can feel pain when there are relational outs. The obvious point: when we are treated unfairly we feel hurt- almost literally as far as our brains are concerned.

With this as a backdrop I wanted to write a note about Justice and Mercy. You see, I think fairness and justice are related. When our sense of fairness is violated and the pain is stirred we call out for justice. We feel a need to put it right. Anybody on this planet will at some point feel there is unfairness, or that they've been treated unfairly, or will actually suffer events that are unfair. And the desire for justice will cry out.

I believe this desire for justice, while it can be valid, is often a way to manage the pain associated with these types of occurrences. If that's true then it raises the question: how do we dissipate this pain? How do we not become obsessed with making sure justice is doled out by whatever means you can find- even if that involves retaliation?

Well, in a word: forgiveness.

But wait, you might say, it actually is unfair, someone deserves to pay! He/she deserves to pay, and I'm the collector.

Assuming you are correct, and that you (or I) have not misjudged the person or situation (a pretty big assumption most of the time) I guess that's where mercy enters the picture. It is said that if grace is getting something good we've done nothing to deserve then mercy is not getting something negative that we actually do deserve.

Forgiveness, then, is the actual playing out or act of these two dynamics of grace and mercy. Yes, people betray, misuse, abuse, hurt, disappoint, malign, take advantage of, and take us for granted. And the unfairness of these acts cry out for justice. Someone's got to pay! That is unless we extend mercy. Oh, and didn't I read somewhere that the measure with which we measure shall be measured to us?

Now, sometimes dispensing justice is the right way to go. That's why we have laws and courts and arbitrators and other means of setting things right, of executing justice. Sometimes though our pursuit of justice ends up gnawing at our souls, causing us to lash out in subtle and overt ways and ultimately poisoning our world or embittering us. Often things happen that fall into a category where you don't have the power to rectify or change the situation. This can feel like "salt to the wound".

In those cases we have a choice: release/surrender your "right", or hold on to it and add additional suffering to yourself and others. I have done this too many times. The question is what is the story or narrative you want your life to tell?

In Between and Not Yet

Doesn’t it often feel like you are just “not quite there”? Like you see a possibility but are unable to fully grasp it, or you are again frustrated in achieving a change you’ve sought/fought after, or that once again you find yourself in a place where life just isn’t turning out the way you hoped?

The word liminal means: “threshold” or “in between”. It is rarely used but captures a powerful truth: Transformation always happens in the liminal spaces. It is always in the “in between” times that we are most open to change. It’s the “space” between what was and is yet to be. It is the caterpillar in the cocoon and not yet a butterfly. It is a space of uncertainty where you don’t know what will yet be.

As Richard Rorh writes, “Liminal space is a unique spiritual position where human beings hate to be but where the biblical God is always leading them… It is when you are in between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer…It is no fun. Think of Israel in the desert, Joseph in the pit, Jonah in the belly, the three Marys tending the tomb. Everything genuinely new emerges in some kind of liminal space.”

Dare we say that the liminal space is also a place of pain? It seems that pain often leads us into this unique place where something new can emerge. Not necessarily physical, emotional or even psychological pain, although God can and does use those, but perhaps the type of pain that can exist when things are not as we think or wish they should be.

For many people, the in between time is resisted and therefore they do not hold in- hold in to the tension present when there is uncertainty. Our culture demands immediate answers, immediate remedies, and immediate relief.

Many won’t surrender to the reality that God is working a process in them and that He seems unfazed to leave things undone for long periods of time. Rohr says, “Liminal space is a unique spiritual position where human beings hate to be but where the biblical God is always leading them. It is when you have left the “tried and true” but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else.”

God often does not give answers, or, if you will, bring us to a place of certainty. I am told that Jesus only answered three out of 183 questions that were asked of him! He often leaves us to struggle with not knowing. This tendency of our God can lead to mischief if we don’t accept the many paradoxes we find ourselves in: we are sinners and saints, wounded and healed, in communion and lonely.

The resistance to the “in between” time can show up in many ways. In my vocation, transformation, people often find themselves frustrated that they haven’t permanently changed. Because of their great need to come to an answer, after many attempts to change, they conclude that something isreally wrong with them. What’s most tragic about this is that they therefore disqualify themselves from being used. Until they are “fixed” or “healed” or in some way arrive they count themselves as less than, as not worthy.

Recently I was with a group of men and all of us were at some stage of in between or incompleteness. Some seemed more surrendered to this reality than others and what evidenced the surrender was, paradoxically, their participation. I have noticed, in myself and others, that when we are willing to live in the “liminal” space, the reality that we are in various stages of incompleteness, we will get out of our own way enough to be used. We do not withhold our participation in life and relationships.

In other spheres of life we are often left in an “in between” time. Personally, as I write this, I am on a plane traveling to Houston where I will have a bone marrow biopsy to find out what is going regarding my treatment of Leukemia. I have been living in this uncertainty for quite a while and may remain there still. Loved ones of mine are also thrust into living in this uncertainty but even if we didn’t have this there would be plenty of other uncertainties.

Undoubtedly, as you look at your own life, and the lives of those around you, you will notice there are many “in-between” times. Perhaps you are unmarried and have a strong desire to be. Perhaps you are married and have not yet been able to conceive a child or buy a house. Perhaps your spouse has decided to leave you (or died) and you are in that “desert” place. Perhaps you are between jobs or careers. Perhaps you long to be reconciled and the other party won’t hear of it.

What unmet longing, unresolved crisis or unfulfilled transformation are finding yourself in? What state of “not yet” do you find yourself in? Pay attention and hold in, exercise faith and give of yourself anyway, God is at work.

Split Screen

I really enjoyed the movie 500 Days of Summer. In it there is a scene where they show, side by side in a split screen, two different experiences of the lead character. One side of the split screen is entitled “Expectations” and the other “Reality”. As you can imagine, the expectations do not match the reality and it makes for a very poignant sequence. How rarely do our expectations match our realities! The expectations have so much influence in how we experience the reality.

I wrote this as I sat in the Pacific Shores medical group infusion center receiving my first day’s dosage of chemotherapy. This is not what I was supposed (expecting) to be doing at this time of my life. In fact, there is not much in my life right now that is the way I hoped it would be or thought it should be. There have been so many changes thrust upon me- at least that’s how it feels, even though I “know” that I’ve chosen some of them.

I think I’m coming to believe more and more that it’s our expectations, and the non-complying reality, that cause so much of the mischief and maybe even the suffering we “experience” in our lives. I think there are some philosophies in the world that teach us not to desire because it can lead to disappointment and suffering. But that is not our Christian faith.

What does this have to do with my experience here today? Well, it’s pretty obvious. This is my reality. I spent a good portion of last night while I wasn’t sleeping practicing “surrendering” to what I was to be with today. Surrendering as in releasing the expectations and embracing the realities of what’s happening- all the while being unwilling to succumb to the temptation to get resentful because the two split screens don’t line up. And at the same time not being “Pollyanna” about it.

I think most of our lives can seem like a type of “split screen” experience, expectations and realities seldom matching up. We have these experiences regarding just about everything: how our relationships and the people in them are showing up, how our health and finances are versus where we want them to be, the type of place we live in as opposed to what we’d like it be, the vacations we hope to take and actually can, how our work situation is going, things we feel entitled to and that seem reasonable to us but don’t come about… Oh my, you know the list is endless!

Think about any situation or person in your life that you may feel frustration about. What are your expectations about those people/circumstances and how does the reality violate those expectations? I believe it is our willingness to release the expectations and embrace the reality that can open up new possibility. It is working with-in the reality that we can choose what we’re committed to in order to have the kind of impact that we say matters.

Saying Yes

Teams that come together to for our trainings and workshops often choose themes. A recent team for an Impact Training chose saying "yes" to possibility. Actually choosing yes. It got me to thinking how any things I disqualify because of past experiences. I often find myself not saying "yes" as much as "yes, but".

The "But" always points to a limiting belief. past disappointment or cynicism. Sometimes the "yes, but" is indicating the many circumstances I find myself in are more powerful than my commitment. Whatever the case may be I wonder what it would be like to let my yes be yes and no, no as a result of my choosing and not as a result of any self imposed, past imposed or externally imposed limitation.

A friend of mine gave a sermon recently regarding dreams and how so many give up on them. That too got me thinking. This seems to me a similar dynamic. I think it's transformative to persevere through disappointment in pursuit of our dreams. Transformative because either we need to become something new, develop a new "version" of the dream, invite others to stand with us in new ways and so many other reasons.

And then there's saying "yes" to love. It's in the area of love perhaps that many people hesitate saying yes again. The justification for the reluctance involves the usual suspects: disappointment, betrayal, hurt, fear. Resurrecting dreams is essential in the arena of love. It's good to get rid of the kind of naive love also known as "love in dreams" and replace it with "active love".

Fyodor Dostoyevsky writes about this kind of love in The Brothers Karamazov. "Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go as far as the giving even of one’s life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor

and perseverance, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science." A whole science maybe (no disrespect to the great Dostoyevsky), I think it's more like an art really- no formulas whatsoever. Active, resilient, persevering, forgiving, hopeful.

I am excited about "saying yes", choosing yes. Even when there is no formula, no knowing how. I actually find myself in that place in my calling right now. That choice opens up limitless possibilities; and expanding love.